I know this note it very long.. but it's just some of what I went through...
They should be in order.. I didn't include the comments that went with them.. but may add them later, as I have great friends!
Let's start with the first one...
"THE PASSING OF MY DAD...
I just want to thank everyone for their concern and emails, text, messages, and calls this weekend.
I was at the park having lunch with the girls yesterday, and I got a call that my dad had died. It was a shock, and I think that I am still in shock. The plans and meetings begin tomorrow, and I just hope that I can hold up long enough to get through it all. I have never had to do this before, and not sure what the week will bring. I will prolly be out of touch for awhile due to the events that are ahead of us. My mom and sis and brother are driving as we speak from Ohio to get here. It's been an interesting 24 hours, as my thoughts are everywhere. I haven't seen his family in years and have no idea what to expect tomorrow, as I meet them by myself, since the others won't get here until later tomorrow night.
Anyway.. who knows what the week will bring, and the week after, and so on. If I break down and disappear from things all together.. you will know that it finally happened, and it hit me. The flood gates will open, and even though I know it's a healing and grieving process, I am not looking forward to it.
Thanks again for all your well wishes and prayers, and everything else!
Steph"
and then....
"-JUST TRYING TO LAY HIM TO REST- "
This is kind of long, but I am so pissed, that i just had to vent...
So.. I have been really busy after the passing of my father. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and messages. I have been so stressed out lately, and some people know why, but I just feel like it's time I wrote about it, and share the RIDICULOUS game that is being played at my father's expense.
So I have to tell people that first of all, I have had a hard time with his passing, as I hadn't spoken to him in quite some time. I had to make some decisions to protect my family, and I did that, and have stressed over it for years, but also stayed true to why I couldn't mend my relationship with him at the time. I now am struggling with that decision of course, because it's too late to fix things, and it will be a long road to get through this. I will grieve, and eventually, hopefully, be ok, BUT... apparently all that has to wait because of the VA Hospital's politics, that coincide with the State laws of the Medical Examiner.
We had the meeting last Monday at the Mortuary and decided that my father would be cremated, and then buried with my grandmother. That's something we thought he would want. So... the VFW had also said that because he was a Veteran, that they were honoring him at the graveside service, and would supply a military headstone. Great... dad would have liked that, I guess. It was great of them to honor him.
So at the same meeting, the guy that was helping us said that he would need to get the kid's signature saying that it would be ok to be cremated, and so I signed (waiting for my siblings to drive in). So he also said that the Death Certificate would need to be produced before the cremation but that it should be no problem to get it together by Wed night, and so we could have the viewing that night, then they would proceed, and we would have the graveside service on Thursday, and he would be in the Urn and then buried. Right? No big deal, supposedly... yeah right!
So then he(the mortuary helper guy) said that it would cutting it close to the time frame of the service for getting the certificate, so if it wasn't produced in time, then the urn would be empty, but no one but us would know, and the service would go on, and he would be cremated later, and laid to rest. Well.. I guess we had to be okay with that...
So... anyway... the viewing was Wed and went ok.. was pretty tough. The other kids signed the form for cremation. Then the service on Thursday was ok. The VFW showed up and gave him a gun salute, folded the flag, and gave it to my brother. All the while.. the Death Certificate had "taken longer than they expected" and it should happen later, and they would "take care of it"... this has been my hell since then.
My dad died at home. Alone. My uncle went there, and called the police, who then called the Medical Examiner investigator out. They then took him to the mortuary, and proceeded with their procedure...
The problem now .. is that the ME will not sign the Death Certificate because it was an "Attended Death" meaning that my dad was seen in the VA within the last 30 days! Ok.. I Understand that part. It's the law, right? Ok.. So that leaves his primary care physician to sign it. HOWEVER.. he is refusing because he hadn't seen my dad in 6 months. The doctor that saw him the week preceding his death was a Emergency VA doctor, that "did not know his history, and can not sign anything".
So.. now.. we are in a political war about the bureaucracy of who can/ will sign it. MEANWHILE... my father is STILL "waiting" to be laid to rest. It has been over a week! He is still there. The mortuary is at a stand still with the docs and the ME. It doesn't appear to be going anywhere!
How can this happen??? I called the office of the ME yesterday, after just finally being soo pissed about this. I talked to a investigator who has been working on this, and he said that he cannot BY LAW sign an Attended Death .. certificate. He explained that because he was seen just the week before, that the VA has the responsibility to sign it. So they are fighting back and forth... and nothing is getting done!!
Teresa, form the "Decedent Affairs" department at the VA has been "trying to help get this resolved"! Whatever! She is a wench! I had called her 3 times and finally spoke with everyone ELSE who said that they had to force the doctor to sign it... and that he would be back in the office yesterday, and it would be done! And that I would get a call as SOON as that happens!
TODAY.. I get a call back from this lady.. really rudely telling me that they are handling it. That's it.. I then tell her that's not good enough, and I want to know the status! She says the doctor is now trying once again, to get the ME to sign, and that may happen later! I pretty much told her that I talked to the ME's office and that they CAN'T sign it!
So here we are, stuck! And my father is STILL waiting to be laid to rest. It's really hard to start the grieving process when you are so pissed!
I think i need to call the Senator, since the VA Hospital is still being a DOUCHE, and try to get this resolved, because it's a Government Entity...
I am open to suggestions, and I know this has been extremely long.. but this has been my days... long hold times, no call backs, no answers, and each department blaming the other..."
So.. I have been really busy after the passing of my father. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and messages. I have been so stressed out lately, and some people know why, but I just feel like it's time I wrote about it, and share the RIDICULOUS game that is being played at my father's expense.
So I have to tell people that first of all, I have had a hard time with his passing, as I hadn't spoken to him in quite some time. I had to make some decisions to protect my family, and I did that, and have stressed over it for years, but also stayed true to why I couldn't mend my relationship with him at the time. I now am struggling with that decision of course, because it's too late to fix things, and it will be a long road to get through this. I will grieve, and eventually, hopefully, be ok, BUT... apparently all that has to wait because of the VA Hospital's politics, that coincide with the State laws of the Medical Examiner.
We had the meeting last Monday at the Mortuary and decided that my father would be cremated, and then buried with my grandmother. That's something we thought he would want. So... the VFW had also said that because he was a Veteran, that they were honoring him at the graveside service, and would supply a military headstone. Great... dad would have liked that, I guess. It was great of them to honor him.
So at the same meeting, the guy that was helping us said that he would need to get the kid's signature saying that it would be ok to be cremated, and so I signed (waiting for my siblings to drive in). So he also said that the Death Certificate would need to be produced before the cremation but that it should be no problem to get it together by Wed night, and so we could have the viewing that night, then they would proceed, and we would have the graveside service on Thursday, and he would be in the Urn and then buried. Right? No big deal, supposedly... yeah right!
So then he(the mortuary helper guy) said that it would cutting it close to the time frame of the service for getting the certificate, so if it wasn't produced in time, then the urn would be empty, but no one but us would know, and the service would go on, and he would be cremated later, and laid to rest. Well.. I guess we had to be okay with that...
So... anyway... the viewing was Wed and went ok.. was pretty tough. The other kids signed the form for cremation. Then the service on Thursday was ok. The VFW showed up and gave him a gun salute, folded the flag, and gave it to my brother. All the while.. the Death Certificate had "taken longer than they expected" and it should happen later, and they would "take care of it"... this has been my hell since then.
My dad died at home. Alone. My uncle went there, and called the police, who then called the Medical Examiner investigator out. They then took him to the mortuary, and proceeded with their procedure...
The problem now .. is that the ME will not sign the Death Certificate because it was an "Attended Death" meaning that my dad was seen in the VA within the last 30 days! Ok.. I Understand that part. It's the law, right? Ok.. So that leaves his primary care physician to sign it. HOWEVER.. he is refusing because he hadn't seen my dad in 6 months. The doctor that saw him the week preceding his death was a Emergency VA doctor, that "did not know his history, and can not sign anything".
So.. now.. we are in a political war about the bureaucracy of who can/ will sign it. MEANWHILE... my father is STILL "waiting" to be laid to rest. It has been over a week! He is still there. The mortuary is at a stand still with the docs and the ME. It doesn't appear to be going anywhere!
How can this happen??? I called the office of the ME yesterday, after just finally being soo pissed about this. I talked to a investigator who has been working on this, and he said that he cannot BY LAW sign an Attended Death .. certificate. He explained that because he was seen just the week before, that the VA has the responsibility to sign it. So they are fighting back and forth... and nothing is getting done!!
Teresa, form the "Decedent Affairs" department at the VA has been "trying to help get this resolved"! Whatever! She is a wench! I had called her 3 times and finally spoke with everyone ELSE who said that they had to force the doctor to sign it... and that he would be back in the office yesterday, and it would be done! And that I would get a call as SOON as that happens!
TODAY.. I get a call back from this lady.. really rudely telling me that they are handling it. That's it.. I then tell her that's not good enough, and I want to know the status! She says the doctor is now trying once again, to get the ME to sign, and that may happen later! I pretty much told her that I talked to the ME's office and that they CAN'T sign it!
So here we are, stuck! And my father is STILL waiting to be laid to rest. It's really hard to start the grieving process when you are so pissed!
I think i need to call the Senator, since the VA Hospital is still being a DOUCHE, and try to get this resolved, because it's a Government Entity...
I am open to suggestions, and I know this has been extremely long.. but this has been my days... long hold times, no call backs, no answers, and each department blaming the other..."
**UPDATE as of may 22, 2009:
so... today's the day... FINALLY my father will be laid to rest. I talked to them, and everything is done, and he will be placed with my grandma today... whew.. now maybe i can get through this. Thanks everyone! We had to get the House of Reps involved in order for this to get accomplished... the things Politicians have to get involved in!"
So there you have it. While all of this was happening, I had to deal with family from hell. They seriously are out of their minds! I can't believe they way people flip out when it comes to death. Like koo-koo for cocoa puffs!
I will have to go into that another time..
